Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Found This Hilarious on BC

Dear Dora,
I'm pregnant and I know my baby can hear, so I'll keep this clean. Dora, I watch you when I babysit my nieces and babysit in general. And a few things that worry me have come up. I will list them as follows:
I've been letting you into my home every Saturday and Sunday night, and I even DVR you by demand of the kids I regularly babysit. This has been going on since I discovered what a gold mine babysitting is, so about 2 years. Watching you 2 days (sometimes 3) a week times 52. Which means I see you a lot. At this point I feel like we're BFF's. So I think I can tell you something without getting you getting too offended.
You're getting on my nerves.
You're putting way too many demands on me. You keep yelling at me to STAND UP, STAND UP. And for god sake's woman, I'm pregnant, it takes me a while, so calm yourself and speak in a normal tone please. I just want to sit on the couch, do my homework, maybe go on Facebook, but you're yelling makes something so mindless as Facebook nearly impossible.
I appreciate that you can find volcanoes and everything on your own without bothering your parents about it. I like that kind of independence. However it does concern me that your parents let you and your cousins run wild around the rain forest with only a map to guide you. If you want to keep having these little adventures then I suggest investing a GPS. They're quite nice.
Perhaps your pushiness is a reaction to your parent's neglect. They obviously haven't taken you clothes shopping in a while. If you keep wearing that horrific belly shirt, you're going to be as skankkeous as Lindsay Lohan. I see that you're often left to forage around for you're own food: blueberries, chocolate, Big Red Chicken. What little you find, Swiper steals. It's quite sad really...
Is it possible that you're parents are out partying with Max and Ruby's parents? Because it would explain a lot.
I have a feeling that this also involves Caillou's parents too. They seem all too relaxed to deal with Caillou's constant whinning... Why hasn’t Caillou’s mom ever snapped, “For God’s sake, Caillou, maybe if you stop whining for five seconds I’d be able to think straight and figure out why you’re bald”? I’ll tell you why. It’s because she’s whacked out on Mommy’s Little Helpers.

Jeez, Dora, the more I think about it, the more worried I am about y’all. Ruby’s been on her own for years, taking care of Max, with only their tipsy grandmother peeking in once in a while. Max has a significant speech delay and doesn’t seem to be getting any Early Intervention services.
And who will take care of Caillou and Rosie? The mom is whacked out on tranquilizers and the dad is oblivious. Best-case scenario for Caillou is that someone hooks him up with a foster home and Locks of Love.

And you, Dora. You’re off gallivanting around the world being supervised by a monkey. It’s not good. So please, I beg of you, stop yelling at me, and I will help you.

P.S Do your parents know that you're parading with a monkey? Oh forget that, they probably don't considering that they're out clubbing with Caillou. Max & Ruby's parents...

Dear Wonderpets,
Thank you for taking the time to help nuture my daughters as they reached school-age. You guys are such a cute little trio, especially since Ming Ming's lisp is nearly identical to my YDD. I'll admit, you annoyed the piss out of me in the beginning, but you slowly won me over.
Kudos to you for reaching the point in our society that you inspired my MIL to undertake a huge waste of time and effort to find a ringtone for her cell phone. It is astounding how many children will run through a crowded store to find the source of the music going "The phone...The phone is ringing. The phone...We'll be right there!" It is seriously like she's the Pied Piper of all children between the age of 2-5. It's a good thing that no shady characters have caught on to this, or we would have trouble with how easily our children could be kidnapped.
That being said, I think it's time for you guys to grow up. Ming Ming needs speech therapy. Tuck is great at being sensitive with the animals you guys rescue, but I'm worried about what might happen to him as he grows up with all the bullying that goes on. He seems destined for swirlys and long timeouts in his locker if he doesn't "man up." And Linny is a walking encyclopedia who needs to relax or she's going to grow up to be a 30yr old virgin with 5 doctorates.
Donate the Flyboat to NASA. They need some design help and I think that they could use the Flyboat to turn their whole program around.
Please grow up before my new LO comes this yr. You have 2 yrs to get your lives in order before he will be able to watch up. If you're still around, drastic measures will be taken. I will find some sort of eco-bug capable of taking out all the celery in the world. Just sayin', you've been warned.

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

27 Week Doc Check Up : My Child Needs Anger Management

So...the docs appt went pretty much as usual. I haven't gained any weight in the past 2 weeks ... which is better than losing which my body has liked doing this whole pregnancy. So I'm still at a total 27 week weight gain of a whopping....10.

I guess the only hilarious part was when she went to check BJ's heartbeat with the doppler. I'm so used to him kicking the doppler's just like whatever. But today....OMG. Ok, whenever I lay flat on my back you can VERY clearly see the hump where he is laying.  As soon as the doctor put the jelly on my stomach....I felt him squirming. I'm thinking "oh boy...he's assuming the position so he can get a good kick in". NO. This boy would not sit still so she could get a good listen to his heart. You could see him literally moving from side to side of my belly as she tried to chase him. I was trying soooo hard not to laugh my ass off while I was on that table. I'm seriously dying laughing right now. You could see the lump just slooowly move to the left side....then back to the right...then back to the left...then back to the right...all this while he's also managing to kick (or punch) the doppler....3 TIMES! So after settling on a very faint but noticable and great heartbeat my doc gave up. You could just see the frustration on her poor face lmao.

So at my 25 week appt I took my glucose test. She said everything was fine with that....but I should "lay off the cookies". O_O First of did she know I eat a (family) pack of cookies a day? Second of sweets?? That's like......that's like death to me. Lol...So I had to go to the store and stock up on more healthy snack options. I'm proud of the options...but it's like everywhere I turn now...somebody's eating a damn cookie. SINCE WHEN?? These mofos don't even eat cookies like that! I think someone's out to get me. -_-

I also got my flu shot today. My doctor asked me if I wanted one and I flatout said "No." I've never gotten one and I haven't caught the flu in over 4 years. But of course.....she laid the guilt trip on me "Weeeeeell pregnant women get sick easily and when they get sick.....they get it bad." How the hell could I say no to that? So I reluctantly told her ok. It didn't hurt when I got it....and now 4 hours later my arm is THROBBING. Damn nurse told me if I start noticing cold symptoms to take a tylenol. First of all...I had to settle with taking tylenol for my pain... I HATED tylenol b4 I got never worked. I was an Aleve girl. I know for a fact that ish is not gonna work if I get the damn flu. If I get sick....and I know I will because that's what a flu shot does....IT GET'S YOU SICK...I'm coming all the way back to NY and coughing in everybody's face. *hmph.

But that was my last appointment with my doc here in NY. I'm moving back home to Virginia next week....*ultra sad face*. Even though I'm sad to be leaving...I know this is a better option for me and Bryce and I am soo ready to begin yet another new life. My mom called social services down in VA for me (I would've did it myself...but....she's my mom....enough said) to see what I needed to do as far as my food stamps and medicaid and they said all I needed to do was get NY to transfer my case down...So I guess I'll attempt to get in touch with someone tomorrow.

The whole social services thing is another issue...1 of the many reasons I'm stressed out these days. But once I move and get everything settled...I know my stress and frustration level will go considerably down. Why can't moving be easy??

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

TP Tuesday

Late...again. It's officially Wednesday lmao...but I just did my measurements and ran...(or hurredly typed lol!) to my pregnancy forum to put them in. Sooo of course I said I would share them here too.

As of the moment I am still 10 sheets. Same as last week :)

I feel a growth spurt coming on belly button is poking out more and more each day (which means baby is pushing up against it more and more).

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Who Can I Run To?

That SWV..or Total (...or whoever's) song has been on repeat in my mind.

So these past few days I've been doing alot of thinking. Reevaluating relationships because I need to stop wasting my time on dead weight. What it really comes down to is I have no one I can really talk to. I have no one I can call up and know that they're going to answer. Naturally, these days all I want to talk about is my baby and new things that's happening or weird things that's going on. It seems like every time I bring him up to someone...the subject gets changed and I get disregarded.

Who did I call when for the past 2 days BJ wasn't moving like he was supposed to? No one. I would rather sit by my lonesome and talk to my belly than talk to "friends" who aren't listening. I thought that's what friends were for. To be that shoulder to lean on. To just listen when you need to talk. At least that's what I do. That's my definition. If I'm wrong...please advise because I need to change my ways to my "friends". I'm always there. Even if I have no advice to give....Sometimes the greatest gift you can give a person is your time. Why can't I get that in return?

So I'm finding myself distancing myself from alot of people in my life. There's no need for me to be stressing over people answering their phone's and whatnot....They don't even call ME! I'm always the one reaching out. That's something else that's going to change.

You gotta give to receive.

Anyway. Bryce is fine. Mother's instinct told me he was doing great. I'm not one of those paranoid moms that call the hospital or go to the ER unnecessarily 24/7. I just let him get his rest. Now today he was back to doing his normal thing...only I felt hands more than feet... he did more tickling than kicking. He only kicked me when I was TRYING to eat. Making me have to run to the bathroom on more than one occasion.

Friday, Oct. 8th marks the start of my 7th month.....Yikes! 3rd Trimester...the home stretch. I can't wait. BJ is already my new best friend. Can't wait to have a face to put with the title.